Crank

I was afraid I may have seen this movie before. I just couldn't remember. I knew Jason Statham played Chev Chelios who has been poisoned and must keep his adrenaline pumping until he can find the antidote (or something like that) but I couldn't remember if this knowledge came from a combination of seeing the previews and reading the netflix blurb, or if I'd actually watched the movie. One thing that made me think maybe I hadn't seen the movie is that his girlfriend is played by Amy Smart, who I really liked in Rat Race--I really wanted to see her in other movies, but previously I think the only other movie I'd seen her in was The Butterfly Effect. I felt like if I'd seen her in Crank I would have remembered it. But maybe not.

Well, after watching the movie tonight, would you believe I'm still not sure if I'd seen it before? I definitely had never sat down to watch the entire thing, but it's possible that Hud watched it while I puttered around the house. I seem to remember the ringtone on Chev's cell phone, which has got to be the most annoying one I've ever heard--at first I thought it was just distorted due to the effects of the poison, but it continued that way throughout the movie, so I assume it was just a weird ringtone that sounds like it's melting. But that's the only part of the movie that seemed familiar to me.

It was funny to see Pedro of "Vote for Pedro" fame in this movie, especially as he played a very flaming gay friend of Chelios. Certainly nothing like the Pedro I remember. And I recognized Laurent the vampire as the Haitian cabdriver.

Favorite exchange, as Chev's doctor is asking about his symptoms to try to determine what kind of poison he's been given:

Doctor: "Any pain in your chest?"
Chev: "Not really. Actually I'm feeling pretty good right now."
Doctor: "What are you doing?"
Chev (very matter-of-fact, even blasé): "Driving through a mall, cops chasing me."

By the time Chev was at the hospital, I was thinking he's pretty much a jerk (as was everyone around him) and wondering why I should care if he lives or dies. He wasn't even the "hit man with a heard of gold." His doctor tells him on the phone, "Hey Chevy you're a good dude," but I just wasn't seeing it. Then he gets out of the hospital all hopped up on epinephrine and I'm cracking up. He was just Forrest Gumpin' it all over the city. So I decided I could stand to keep watching.

I was disappointed with Amy Smart in this movie. She was nothing more than a blonde bimbo--the kind of role Goldie Hawn would have filled 20 years ago--think back to "Bird on a Wire" with all that stumbling around and shrieking. She's a cute girl, but in this movie she should have gone by Amy Stupid. The one thing I liked about her performance was her hiccups while Chev was trying to tell her the truth about his job. Those hiccups made the scene (or at least made it palatable enough that I could stand watching it). But overall, her character of Eve the Girlfriend didn't hold a candle to her sharp and tough (but slightly psychotic) helicopter pilot in Rat Race. And their public sex scene in Chinatown was just absolutely ridiculous. Although I must give kudos for the choice of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" as accompaniment.

I'm not interested in seeing the sequel. I definitely like Statham's Frank Martin better than his Chev Chelios. I think I'll stick with Transporter movies from now on and won't rush to see anything else Jason Statham is in. Speaking of sequel, anyway, it's just stretching reality way too far to have Chelios survive a chute-less fall from a helicopter, including bouncing off a car's roof and splattering on the pavement, and live to shoot a sequel. Even if he did blink after he hit the road.