The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

This DVD sat in my house for days just waiting for me to watch it. I was planning to watch it last Thursday night, but Hud saw it by the TV, picked it up, shook it at me and asked, "Have you actually watched this?" in a tone of disbelief. I told him I hadn't yet, but I planned to, and... why? His response: "This movie is really, really long and really, really boring, and... just really long and boring." (And, by the way, if the title of the movie could be any indication, I thought he might be right). Discouraged by this, I decided I needed sleep more than I needed to watch this movie Thursday night. I didn't regret that decision.

Of course, I knew I would eventually get around to watching this movie. I mean, it has Brad Pitt in it--how bad could it be? I should have at least been able to enjoy looking at him for a few hours. Although I do recall hearing his "Seven Years in Tibet" referred to as "Seven Years in My Seat," which kind of made me squirm uncomfortably every time I thought about popping this 2 hour and 39 minute movie into the DVD player.

Well, as it turns out, Hud was right. Not even Brad Pitt's über-sexiness could hold my interest in this movie. In fact, he wasn't even looking all that hot as Jesse James. The only remedy I could suggest for this flick is the one Toby Keith sang about 15 years ago: "a little less talk and a lot more action." I definitely would have preferred to spend 2 hours and 39 minutes reading the book I can't wait to get back to.

As I watched I found myself wondering why Bob Ford was referred to as a coward in the title of this movie. (This was between moments of wondering HOW much longer until the end??). I could see him being called a traitor, maybe, but he didn't seem any more cowardly than the next guy. I speculated that it could be because he shot an unarmed man who suspected (or expected?) that he was about to be killed, and because he wouldn't admit to Jesse's wife that he'd done it on purpose. While Ford may have killed James in a cowardly manner, it didn't sound fair to classify Ford as a coward based solely on that fact. But that thought did give me an idea. They should have made the title of this movie even longer and more boring: The Assassination of Jessie James in a Cowardly Manner by Robert Ford.

Of course watching the rest of the movie explained his label as a coward. First of all, that was the way the public came to view him. Sounds to me like they came to this conclusion based on the way he killed Jesse James, which was probably the only instance they had by which to judge him. Second of all (apocryphal though this may be) he all but admitted his cowardice to his girlfriend when he told her he shot James because he was scared that if he didn't, James would kill him first.

So we have determined that Robert Ford was a coward, and that I was an idiot for sitting through this movie. Lesson learned.