Bridesmaids

Tonight, for a change, I watched a movie. With friends! (Because, you know, That's What Friends Are For.) And for an even bigger change, I'm actually going to blog about it. Who knows if I'll ever get around to telling you about Vanilla Sky, Source Code, The Help, or Harry Potter 7b, but you're going to hear about Bridesmaids whether you want to or not.

I'd been told Bridesmaids was Really Really Funny. I'd heard it was The Hangover for women. (Sorry, I had to say it. EVERYONE ELSE says it.) So, my opinion? Yeah, it made me laugh, and I like laughing. I still think There's Something About Mary is more funny, maybe just because Bridesmaids veers off into depressing territory (not when Annie hits what her mom thinks is rock bottom, but when Annie actually hits rock bottom). But at least things are looking up for Annie at the end.

Too bad I didn't watch this movie when it first came out. Where was Gil when I needed a note on my door that said "Do not come into my room and read my diary and wear my clothes"? At least now I'll know for next time.

Before I go, I just need to tell you this: You're more beautiful than Cinderella, you smell like pine needles and your face is like sunshine. Every girl needs to hear that at least once in her life.

Surfwise

Maybe my family isn't so weird after all.

Surfwise is the true story of the Paskowitz family: nine children and their parents, Dorian ("Doc") and Juliette, who spent years crammed into a teeny tiny travel trailer, living on the fringes of society and surfing whenever they could.

Doc eschewed money, espoused simple living, and tried to teach his children the difference between education and knowledge. He wanted to give them the opportunity to learn from life experiences rather than from schooling, allowing his children no formal education whatsoever. But it didn't work. Their life was like a failed experiment.

Doc admits that many times he was "far too radical and far too tight-fisted" in raising his children. He realized, too late, that "a real man should control himself before he controls his children." He feels he failed to give his children "the tools that invent opportunity," when that was what he most wanted to do. He did provide his family with "love, togetherness, food, clothing, shelter, diet, exercise," but at what cost?

The cost is evident in the range of reactions among his nine children. Most of them have rejected their upbringing and the family is splintered, though one of the boys asserts that "even a flawed family that sticks together is better than no family at all." I can't believe it, but one of the nine actually plans on "keeping the dream alive," intending to put his children through the same childhood his dad forced him to live . . . only on a boat instead of in a camper.

Surfwise exemplifies something my own parents (unintentionally) taught me: trying to keep tight control over your children is like trying to squeeze a wet bar of soap. Sooner or later it ends up out of your hands and farther away from you than you'd ever wanted.

Funny how so many of the kids look nothing like the dad . . .

Black Swan

WOW, this was a good movie. I mean, it's always fun to watch a ballerina go insane, right? And Natalie Portman does it to perfection.

I've always thought Portman was beautiful (though maybe not so much in this movie poster), but I've never been as impressed with her acting as in this film. Those Star Wars prequels didn't quite do her justice. In fact, it wasn't just her acting--I don't think any of the other films she's been in have been as good as this one. Closer was pretty good, but this one's better.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

True story: Author and Elle magazine editor Jean-Dominique Bauby, age 43, suffered a stroke in 1995 that rendered him almost completely paralyzed, though his abilities to think and communicate were unimpaired. In this debilitated state he actually DICTATED HIS ENTIRE AUTOBIOGRAPHY by blinking his left eye. If you're like me, though that is decidedly amazing, it also sounds like it makes for a really really boring movie.

Fortunately whoever made this movie has a better imagination than I do, so it was more than just two hours of a man blinking one eye. It was actually a pretty good (if understandably somber) movie.

Here's Bauby's one statement that impressed me the most: "I have decided to never feel sorry for myself again."

I kind of feel like now I'm required to watch My Left Foot.

Angel Heart

Here's a movie that had somehow slipped my notice for about 24 years. (Aww, I see that it came out in theaters on my brother's 7th birthday.) This is my kind of movie: full of suspense, dark atmosphere, and mystery.

But I'm going to have to stop reading those darn netflix synopses. After a nice spoiler-free beginning about private detective Harry Angel being hired to track down a missing singer, this one mentions that "each time Harry makes contact with someone who might know the singer's whereabouts, he or she is killed in a horrible, ritualistic fashion." So I was already suspecting what might not have otherwise crossed my mind. I mean, after reading that, who do YOU figure the killer is? The brazen striking of a match on the first corpse's shoe confirmed it for me.

Even without any help from netflix, I managed to guess the real identity of the character Robert DeNiro was playing fairly early on. It wasn't even his character's name that gave it away (although, in retrospect, the name was a huge clue).  It was those too-obvious fingernails. I could swear they were longer and more pointy each time he was on screen. But I will admit (with relief) that I didn't guess everything. I don't think I realized who Johnny Favorite was a minute sooner than Harry Angel realized it.

It's kind of hard to believe Mickey Rourke used to be relatively nice-looking.

Donnie Brasco

Watched this one sometime in the past week or two, really can't remember when. It was pretty good, but I didn't have much to say about it then (which means I have even less to say now). Pretty much all I can come up with is that it's a (basically) true story about the NYC mafia and an undercover FBI agent who infiltrates it.

Al Pacino is the quintessential movie gangster. It's hard to remember he's played other types of roles.

Water for Elephants

I was disappointed in this movie. I mean, it wasn't completely horrible (it's based on a pretty good book, and Robert Pattinson is in it!! How bad could it be? Oh, wait . . . ) but I just didn't think it was that great. I don't know how much of my disappointment I should attribute to high expectations, and how much was due to my unusual frame of mind while I was watching it.

My main complaint is that the whole thing seemed overdone. The acting was so serious and heavy-handed, and the lines (while not necessarily corny) were just So Dang Dramatic. OK, maybe my friend BR had a point--it's set in a circus. Of course it's overdone. But I could have gone for just a dash of subtlety and a smidge of figure-it-out-yourself, because it kind of sucks when a movie ALWAYS spells EVERYTHING out for you.

All movie adaptations are going to leave out some parts of the book, but two scenes stood out to me as very watered-down. This actually didn't bother me a bit, as they were scenes I really could have done without reading (walking in on a midget jacking off, and a highly detailed description of what went on in the "cooch tent"). Of course, I'm sure those scenes had to be attenuated because the movie was rated PG-13. But what the heck is that all about? ALL MOVIES WITH ROBERT PATTINSON IN THEM SHOULD BE X-RATED!!

Speaking of Robert Pattinson, though, I have finally noticed that he always plays the same character in every movie, and that is . . . Robert Pattinson. Edward Norton he is not. But at least he is smokin' hot. That makes up for a lot.

If you  have to pick between the book and the movie, read the book. Just get the movie cover version so you can picture RP as Jacob all the way through.